I met this woman a couple of weeks ago at work and she was drilling me…all in my business. It’s work so you have to answer nicely and fake smile. She finally got around to asking how old was I, I told her, and the next question do you have kids and I just simply said "not yet." Her reaction was priceless and she said a couple of times...”you really don’t have any kids.”
My face when I was asked!
Non-work CaNesha wanted to say why exactly would I lie but CaNesha who has bills and enjoys nice things just said "notyet…"again. I am sharing this for two reasons.
First, people have to STOP treating women who don’t have kids like it’s a disease. There are so many reasons women do not have kids and it is really none of your business. Worry about yourself! My dad always says if you spend 100% of your time focusing on you and your business there isn’t any time left to worry about others. Say it with me…WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF!
The other reason I am sharing is because of my response and my reaction after the conversation. I have typically felt like I needed to explain, give the spill…"Yes, I would like kids, but I would like a date first, and then a husband...yeah, a husband would be good."
Instead I just said "not yet." Those two words may not sound like much to some but to me it showed growth. If you remember my new prayer from the last post, part of it said “Move me into a place of acceptance…not accepting that it’s not going to happen but accepting where I am right now.” I don’t know God’s plans for my life but I am finally starting to get to a place to accept that HE is working and I just need to be patient…it is very hard but I’m working on it every day.
I am also proud of myself because after the conversation I went on about my day. There was a time when I would have had a major WOE is Me Moment and bought a cupcake but I didn’t. I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about it, I mean here is a post about it, but I thought about it differently.
I thought about the women in my age group who don’t have kids and have been asked this question too many times. I thought about women who have been asked this question after having a miscarriage. I thought about women who are asked this question after finding out they can never have kids. I thought about all of us…women who want to be moms but for whatever reason it has not happened...yet. The operative word here is YET!
My hope with this post is that people stop asking. I know the majority of people don’t mean anything by it but we truly never know what a person is going through. So, always...always try and be conscious of that. As a woman who has wanted to be a mom, I don’t care who it comes from or how they ask; it always stings just a bit.
I want to add that I am very proud of myself for how I handled that situation! If you have been following my blog then you know that I have been preaching growth FOREVER, and now I think I am finallyon the right path. It only took 40 years LOL!
Signed,
I’m Really 40 and I Don’t Have Kids Yet