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Welcome to my blog. I document my adventures in love, life and everything in between. Hope you have a nice stay!

42 is Freaking Hard!!

Unless you are new to following me, you know I had a birthday last week and I turned 42. Overall being in my forties has been good. I have learned a lot. I have grown and mostly I am enjoying life more than I have in a long time.

42nd Birthday!

42nd Birthday!

However, with all that turning 42 has been hard. Real hard.  It may sound crazy, but 42 is different from 40 to 41. At 41 I still felt that having kids and getting married was possible, but for some reason 42 makes it seem unrealistic.  

Forty-two to me just sounds old. Not old in the sense that my life is over, but old as in still considering having a child or finding my Mr. Right is crazy. These darn dating sites are not helping!

I am really having a moment. Not a woe is me, I am going to get under the covers and eat cupcakes all day moment but sadness. Sadness that I may never get what I have wanted for as long as I can remember and accepting that is HARD.

Before you say it, I know more women are having babies and finding love in their forties, but part of me cannot see that. I see 42 as the end of my dream.

One of the things I have worked on in this journey is to be more positive, have more faith and hope, but for some reason now, I cannot find any of that.

One of the reasons 42 is hard for me is because I battle with what is too old to have a baby. I am very blessed to be this age and still have both of my parents, but my fear is having a baby when you are older how much time will that child have with me?

I will go ahead, play devil’s advocate for you, and say I know that God takes care of all of His children so if He sees fit for this to happen for me He will make a way.

The other reason it is hard for me is that as I get older the men in my dating pool get older. Many older men do not want kids. A lot already have grown kid(s) or almost grown kid(s) and are not looking to start over so that makes the dating pool smaller than it already is. Argh!

I also know that Forty-two is fresh. It has not even been two weeks yet, so this too shall pass, but now at this moment, I’m sad but it’s okay.

One of the things I told myself when I began this journey is that I would allow myself to have these feelings, but I would not live in them (I used to live in them). So, for now, I am sad, but I will work my way out of it soon. Until then say a prayer for me.



Do You Know What Fun Is?

You Go Girl!